Epic Firsts
by astonishes
Summary: A series of firsts for Veronica and Logan, spanning all three seasons with some pre- and post-series. Oneshot. some language


**Title: **Epic Firsts  
**Characters/Pairings:** Logan/Veronica, Duncan, mentions of Wallace, Piz, etc.  
**Disclaimer:** LOL PLEASE. Season three would've ended with LoVe (:  
**A/N:** This has probably been done hundreds of times but I'm new to the VM fandom so forgive me. I've also only seen season one and half of seasons two and three but I've seen way too many clips of the episodes so I have a general clue as to what's going on but if I get anything wrong, then sorry! Un-beta'ed and written while half asleep over the course of a week so yeahhh...

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The first time Veronica had noticed their group was perfect for each other was at a sleepover of Lily's. She had always made her mother cave when putting a sleepover together and a twelve-year-old Veronica Mars was astonished that Mrs. Kane allowed boys to come over and stay the night, too. Of course, all the kids were still too shy (and parents beginning to worry) about being around each other overnight and so, little by little, most of the friends Lily had invited left as the clock ticked closer to ten. Lily, however, would not be deterred from having a good time. Eventually, four people were left: her brother Duncan, naturally, Logan Echolls, a new boy, and Veronica and Lily themselves.

Veronica hadn't met the boy yet but had heard endless talk about him since his arrival here. He was son of Aaron Echolls, star of a billion Blockbuster hits and "totally gorgeous!" (Veronica had seen one of his movies once and while Lily continued to rave about it for a week afterward, Veronica could only roll her eyes at the bad acting and over-priced special effects but smiled and gushed for Lily's sake.) She had to admit, son of a movie star had it's appeal, but maybe five minutes into their first meeting, they had all forgotten about movie stars and co-ed sleepovers. Still in her soccer uniform from the game she had rushed to the Kane's from, the four went outside to play a game of hide-and-seek in the dark before the guys pushed the girls into the pool. From then on, Veronica would always remember how instantly they had clicked.

The first time Veronica thought she had her heart broken was four years later, after Homecoming. She was at her locker, smiling at a joke she had overheard her locker buddies sharing when she turned to see her boyfriend and her best friend walk by. Grinning, she expected them to stop but after Duncan's look and swift departure, she knew something had changed. For the rest of the day, he ignored her and following his lead, so did some of her friends. She had sobbed to Lily, asking what had happened but Lily insisted that Veronica find someone else - someone better than her "donut" of a brother. Veronica just sobbed harder; wasn't Lily supposed to be saying that everything was okay and they'd be back together soon?

For the days that followed, Veronica tried to get him to talk to her but Duncan ignored her attempts. In a moment of weakness, she stood at her locker, staring vacantly and thinking over the past week. A tear slipped before a sob jumped from her throat. She felt a familiar hand on her back, then. She wiped the tear from her face and threw her math book into her bag. Turning around, she tried to appear as if she hadn't been crying. "What do you want, Logan?" She hadn't expected the caring gaze, the "are you okay?" That was it - as their algebra II class continued to learn of parabolas, Veronica broke down in the middle of the hallway, clutching to Logan for dear life. Later, the two would go back to ignoring each other in the hallway with a little less hatred on each behalf.

The first time Veronica had ever runaway was right after she saw Lily's dead and bloodied body. Her best friend had seemed invincible and there she was, cold, dead, unfeeling. Duncan was a mute mess, Celeste and Jake were holding onto each other and, had Veronica been on top of it, noticed they were a little shifty. She cried the entire way home, silent tears falling down her face as she stared out at the dark. She just couldn't believe that Lily was dead, no matter how hard she tried, and was convinced this was some horrible dream caused by a movie she and Lily had watched earlier that week.

Restless with anxiety, Veronica needed to take a walk. Slipping out of bed, she grabbed her phone, jacket, and slipped on some flip flops. Leashing Backup incase he'd be needed, Veronica slipped quietly out the door and headed to Dog Beach, hoping the waves would calm her. Approaching the beach, she noticed a lone figure sitting on the sand and was thankful that she had brought the dog with her. The thought of a killer on the loose had escaped her thoughts but that person brought them back full force. Backup seemed to have different thoughts, though, happily pulling Veronica to the person. As he turned around, Veronica's heart cracked slightly at the sight of Logan, little rivers gleaming in the moonlight on his face and a bottle of tequila in hand. Running towards him, Veronica let go of Backup's leash as she threw herself into the figure, almost knocking them down in the process as she clutched to him and he gripped her back, their last connections to Lily. Sobbing, they held each other, Veronica straddling Logan and Logan rocking them back and forth, the swaying caused slightly by his drunkenness. She tangled her fingers in his hair as he held her tiny frame. Both cried for the friend they lost and the lively spirit they could still feel around them.

"Don't forget about me," the wind whispered.

The first time Duncan and Logan (at least, publicly) had even acknowledged her since the break-up was at Lily's funeral. Even though she knew Celeste hated her, Veronica was part of the small group that watched as Lily's casket was lowered into the ground. She stood off to the side, shunned from the group because of the death of her only remaining link to high society. A quiet sob racked her body and Veronica wondered why she was doing this to herself. As she locked eyes with the duo across the cemetery, they each knew what was running through their minds. Lowering her eyes once more to the bouquet of flowers resting atop the gleaming coffin, she scoffed at the fakeness of the entire ordeal. Lily wouldn't want this. Lily would've wanted everyone bawling loudly over her death and headed to some chic club to get trashed afterwards. Feeling two people coming to stand next to her, she leaned into Logan as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her into him, clutching Duncan's hand reassuringly as the trio grieved the way they knew Lily would want them to - acting as if they couldn't live without her.

Later on that night, Veronica had long ditched the black dress her mother had bought her for this night. In it's place was the shirt Lily would always try to get Veronica to wear on a date with Duncan and a pair of shorts she had borrowed from the girl once but had never returned. Her phone vibrating angrily in her pocket, she slipped out of her apartment with a "be back later" and a wave as she ran downstairs into the waiting yellow Xterra. The trio made their way to the beach silently, walking solemnly towards the same spot in which they had spent the entire night of homecoming. Logan grabbed a bag from his trunk and the three plopped down onto the soft sand, sitting in a circle and barely making eye contact. Logan placed a bottle of tequila and three shot glasses in the center of the circle. "I never thought of her as being able to die," Logan said softly as he filled the shot glasses. The three of them quickly knocked back a shot, falling into their old camaraderie as they mourned the loss of their friend while remembering that they wouldn't be like this in the morning.

The first time Veronica felt truly hated was the morning after her father announced that he felt Jake Kane had murdered Lily. The stares she got from everyone at school were full of pure disgust and hatred that she broke down one day in the girls bathroom, making sure to lock the door so no one would find her in there. Even Duncan and Logan were looking at her like that and she thought they were finally making progress. She sobbed for the loss of her best friend, the loss of her only remaining friends, the way people were treating her.

The first time she felt that maybe everyone didn't hate her was when Logan approached her in the library. He was being his usual jackass self but the way he looked at her made her feel that he was desperate for a reason to not to hate her like everyone else. He was asking her to pick her side but as she stood there and stared at him, all she wanted to do was return to that night at the beach where they clung to each other and she knew that was running through his head at the same moment. But as he turned and walked away from her before she could speak, she knew she'd end up crying in the bathroom again.

Later that night, she found in at the beach, half-empty bottle of tequila, puffy eyes, and unshed tears glistening in the moonlight. This time, she contained herself as she approached him squatting as she sat next to him. This time, he almost knocked her over as he pulled her to sit on his lap as he held her tiny body tucked into himself as the two sobbed over how fucked up everything was turning out to be.

"I knew you'd find each other again."

The first time she felt like her life was falling apart before her eyes was when she woke up the night after Shelley's party, underwear crumpled on the floor, dress pushed up to around her waist, and memory completely blank after passing out in a lawn chair. She had almost wanted to "I told you so" herself, knowing that coming here was stupid. Walking to her car, even the slut written on her window didn't affect her as she drove to the sherriff's office. Lamb wasn't one of her favorite people but she needed his help.

As he looked at her, his supercilious nature shining through, she wanted to puke. She had just been raped and he was acting as if she was lying to him, trying to get someone else in trouble. Wasn't mocking someone as they reported a crime some sort of law? Or couldn't it at lest get you in trouble? Veronica could only stare blankly as he smirked at her from across the desk. Standing up, she knew what she had been putting off for the longest time - you couldn't count on anyone but yourself. Her best friend was dead, her other two best friends didn't acknowledge her anymore (or at least, not in public), her father had caused the shunning of the century - but at least he hadn't turned his back on her. She knew what she had to do and standing by as the people at school tore her down wasn't going to help her. First, she needed to lose the white dress. It wasn't so appropriate anymore, was it?

The first time Veronica Mars walked through the school the Monday after Shelley's party, she was no longer the picture of innocence Veronica Mars everyone knew. She was tough-as-nails, hardened, Doc Marten-wearing, scowling and sarcastic Veronica Mars. Slamming the door of her LeBaron, she wasn't smiling or blasting her favorite Britney album trying to cheer herself up enough so she wouldn't cry today. This Veronica was listening to some indie rock band. She was ready for the day to begin. As she passed Logan's bright yellow Xterra, she felt her resolve weaken. As she went to pull her long hair to cover her face as she walked by, she realized that it was in a ponytail and much shorter than it was twenty-four hours ago. Losing the ponytail, she stood up taller without even glancing in the car's direction. She knew the boys were gaping - this wasn't the Veronica Mars they were used to. But as they followed her, she wasn't sure of their motive.

"Slut," she heard one of them cough loudly enough for her to hear. She smiled and shook her head, ignoring them. She heard them snickering behind her and couldn't believe she had once been friends with them. Had she once been this immature too? "Slut," they repeated and at the giggling behind her, she wanted to laugh.

Turning around with a smirk firmly in place, she pointed a finger at herself with a confused expression. "Who, me?"

"So, Veronica," Dick began. "How about a repeat of Friday night?" At the group's barely concealed giggles, Dick smirked smugly.

Veronica could only smiled coldly. What had she done with Dick? Was he the one that raped her? "Cute," she smirked. "I'm almost too glad I don't remember what happened Friday because I don't think I could handle the scarring of having to deal with remembering anything I did with you."

"Well, I just thought you'd want to maybe be fair, and all. I just got a kiss, what you gave to someone else..."

At that, Veronica's cold smile dropped. "To who? What did I give and to who?"

Dick could tell she wasn't playing with him anymore and his amused facade dropped when she had a look of pure rage in her eyes. He had never seen her so angry before in her life and if he was honest, the girl scared him shitless at that moment. "Dude, I don't know, I just heard ="

"Don't worry about Dick, here," Logan interrupted. "He's all talk and no action," he smirked. Though it was heavily concealed, he could see the appreciation of him sticking up for her.

"Funny, I heard Friday night was like that for him," Veronica quipped, smirk back in place.

"And we heard yours was the opposite," Logan retorted, making sure no one caught onto him. At Veronica's faltering smile, Logan appreciated the bell ringing almost as much as she did. Mock saluting her, Logan walked around her, his buddies following him.

The first time Veronica wanted to hit someone - really hit someone - was about a month after Lily had died, three weeks after she had become the school slut, and shortly after her mother had left. The teasing at school was easy to ignore - half these idiots had barely any knowledge of what they were talking about - but the cold shoulder treatment from Duncan and the whatever-she-had with Logan was getting to her. They were the only ones left from the one time in their life when things were good and yet, they were treating her as if she was a leper. Especially since Logan's taunts had turned real. She knew that there was still something between them because he almost always had some sort of humor in his banter but lately, his eyes had only held coldness and a desire to see her hurt. She couldn't explain the change of events; suddenly, as her world was falling apart - and for real this time - he had turned his back on her.

So when she finds a small scrap of paper shoved through the slots of her locker declaring "it's easier if I hate you" in his messy scrawl, she can't help but want to punch him senseless, making that pretty boy face of his unrecognizable while screaming "we were best friends! That doesn't have to change!" all the while. Instead, she shoves the same note back into his locker.

When he finds the paper lying atop his books with his note scratched out and "I'll make it even easier" written underneath in her hurried manuscript, he knows he's lost her.

The first time Veronica knows Logan needs her - and not like he needed her during their beach meetings a year ago = but really needs her because his world is crumbling beneath him, she rushes to his side. He's been searching for his mother with her help and as she feels his desperation, she can't help but feel the heart she had built the thickest walls she could around crumble, she runs to him. He looks so helpless sitting on the couch that she does the last thing she can and tries to get the person using his mother's card out of the room. When it's revealed that it's Trina (and that Logan's abused by his dad), the look on his face is so devastating that Veronica couldn't believe she had done that to him.

When they walk away from the counter and she notices his breathing get shallower, she does the only thing she can think of: she clutches him to her. Their height difference is almost comical but as his knees give out and they stumble, she just holds to him tighter than before, letting him cry as he pulls her much smaller body closer, assuring himself that at least someone he cares about is alive. There's no hatred that's been building for the past year, there's no blame, there's nothing but the two of them, like they were a year ago on the beach.

The first time she knows he's not the big asshole he's been acting like for the past year, they're on the beach again and he's knocked back half a bottle of vodka, a liquor known for loosening his lips. They're sitting there quietly, Backup playing gleefully in the water lit by the half moon. Suddenly, he speaks and it's not slurred but slow and steady, as if he's thinking how to phrase everything correctly. He knows about the interview with Mrs. James and that he blamed her for a while - while also blaming everyone else. "I never hated you, you know," he says without looking at her.

"You did a pretty good job of convincing me otherwise." This isn't Veronica; it's the bitter Veronica he's forced her to become by letting their friendship die with Lily. It's his fault she's like this, just like it's his fault that Lily was alone that day, just like it's his fault that Duncan's now an empty shell of what he used to be (though, he's not sure if Duncan's like that because he doesn't have Lily anymore or because of Veronica being the way she is now or because of something else but he's convinced himself it's his fault anyway).

"It's easier if I hate you," he quoted. "I can't just sit there and pretend like you don't exist Veronica! You were my friend and so was Lily and so was Duncan and if I can't be your friend then I'm going to hate you because I can't ignore you." He's completely serious and on the verge of being hysterical so Veronica just rubs circles onto his back as he curls into her again and mumbles into her stomach.  
The first time she kisses him and means it, it's also the first time she realizes that she needs him like he needs her. Though the balcony of the Camelot Motel is hardly the place she'd desired for a first kiss with anyone, it's passionate and angry and full of love and pain and everything they've been feeling for the past year. She can't get enough of him but too soon it's overwhelming and her instinct to run away is kicking in and she's pulling away. She flees but stops herself as she reaches the door, looking back. He's leaning over the balcony, staring back at her and her heart breaks once more because of him.

That night, she's restless, trying to fall asleep but the kiss is playing on repeat in her head and she can't get her lids to fall shut. A knock on the door and she's up, bolting there. Her dad's left on an emergency assignment and she's alone and there he is, standing on her doorstep. The look on his face is so conflicted that Veronica can feel her resolve breaking slowly. They stare at each other for a moment before they both speak. "I think I need some time," they say in unison. She lets out a shaky laugh and he looks almost broken that she's not fighting for him but he's used to being let down by people and didn't hold out any hope for the girl he'd let down long ago.

The first time they break up - and really break up - he feels like he can't breathe. He knows she came to his house with an agenda and laughs bitterly at how much tragedy this house has held for him. The one thing he's got left is leaving him and the tiny voice in his mind that sometimes sounds like Lily is laughing. How could he think that she'd be different from everyone else?

She knows how broken he is right now but she can't stay with him if all she's gonna do is get her heart broken. She'd stayed with him during all the rough patches but she can't bear to watch him break in her arms and so she's got nothing left to go but leave him. She knows she's letting him down and that it could be the final straw for him but she can't watch him destroy himself. He's got all of senior year to rebuild his life and she knows they both know that when he's got everything pulled together, she'll still be there waiting for him. If only he could see that right now instead of staring at the clock blankly, as if he's counting down the minutes till she leaves and he can down a bottle of patron.

The first time she sees him in a relationship with someone (and not Kendall; she's nothing more than sex to him) she can't help the pang that goes through her heart. They've become enemies again but she knows his heart this time - it's easier to hate her. Only, this time the teasing is vindictive and she knows he's trying to hurt her much like they had when Lily had first died. He wants to see her broken and she knows he actually hates her this time. He's let her down and chooses to rub his face in it by parading around with her boyfriend. But it's nothing compared to what she sees when he's with Hannah. With Hannah, he's back to being the sickeningly cute boyfriend. He's smiling again and though she knows he's just using her to get to her father, she can't help but wish it'd be over already.

Of course, after she explains this to him and he accuses her of being jealous, she can't help but want to hit him - again. She's jealous because she's watching out for the poor girl? She knew his motives weren't pure but there he goes, looking at her with affection and kissing her nose tenderly and holding her books and taking her home. Veronica scoffs. She's not jealous.

The first time he admits that he still loves her, he's drunk and they're in his over-crowded suite and the music is blaring too loudly and his proclamation that they were epic suffocates her to the point where she can't breathe. She hesitates and when it clicks that they're about to jump right back into some crazy thing, she does the only thing she can do: run away. She slips out of the penthouse, not caring about anything other than escaping from the feelings she should not be experiencing.

By the time she comes around to the idea that they might not have been epic but were sure as hell something, he'a already got Kendall back in his bed and Veronica can't believe him. She hates him for making her admit that she wants him back and for whatever they had to work only to be so fucked up from last night he doesn't even remember how Kendall got there in the first place.  
The first time she realizes that she can't live without him is right after he beats up the asshole that leaked the tape of her and Piz fooling around. Their freshman year of college is full of second times and she's gotten to the point where she knows she can't be without him. Even after she's told him she wants him to be gone from her life forever (and he naturally doesn't listen), he's there, sticking up for her like he did after everything and she can't not be with him because she's tried and it's hard. She can't be indifferent to him, no matter how much she's tried and she knows how he felt all those years ago after Lily died - hate is just so much easier. Only, he barely gives her anytime to hate her because he's Logan Echolls and Logan Echolls has never understood what the word "no" meant.

So, after that whole fiasco, she does some thinking and Piz seems to understand because when she goes to his room that night, his face says it all. She wishes she wanted Piz - he's a good person and that's definitely what she needs right now - but she can't help that she and Logan, star crossed as they may be, are just meant for each other.

"I know," Piz says, barely making eye contact. "Wallace filled me in on your history. Well, at least, what he knew." She can tell that Piz is sad but she knew that he knew there was still always going to be something between Logan and Veronica because that's who they were. They were Logan and Veronica, enemies-turned-lovers-turned-enemies too many times to count and she knew she'd never have it any other way.

The first time she tells him that she really, truly loves him and can not live without all of his asshole-ish behaviors and God, he was so stupid for sleeping with Madison and she can't believe how much of a jerk he is but she would never change him, no matter how hard she tries sometimes, because she fell in love with Logan Echolls, the snobby little twelve year old who pushed her into the pool that first night, the jackass who tormented her all year because he couldn't just ignore her, the boy who lost his mother and came to her for help, the man who was so beautiful and broken and perfect and flawed that she couldn't breathe without him.

"I knew you'd find each other again," the wind whispers again that night as they lie in bed, fully clothed and getting to know each other before jumping into yet another relationship. They swear that they hear each other whisper "I won't" but don't say anything because it's an understanding now.

The first (and only) time he proposes, they're on the same beach where so many things happened for them. The Mannings have dropped all charges for Duncan's baby and he's free to come back to the US and as the four of them are picnicking on the beach, Logan pulls Veronica aside and pushes the ring into her palm. He doesn't say anything, just looks at her with hope and faith that she's not like everyone else. It's been three years since they graduated from Hearst, almost ten years that they've known each other and so many thoughts are coursing through their brains that they're almost speechless.

But it's Logan and Veronica and without a commentary, they're just no one. "You know, I always thought we were epic," Veronica begins. "Spanning years, continents. Lives ruined, bloodshed, epic."

"And of course our relationship had to be that hard," Logan quipped.

"Well, no one writes songs about the ones that come easy," Veronica replies, slipping the ring onto her finger. It's simple, not too big but definitely not small by any standards and she can't help but feel like she's complete in this moment. Lily comes running over to them at that moment, ecstatic that Logan's finally done it and Duncan's embarrassed at his daughter's timing but Veronica and Logan are too happy to say anything.

"Lily told me once that if you two ended up together, she wouldn't be surprised," Duncan says later that night. His daughter is curled up in Veronica's old room at Keith's apartment and the trio is back on the beach like they were after Lily's funeral, sans the alcohol. "I told her she was crazy and it's funny because I had a dream last night and the only thing she told me was 'I told you so'."

Logan and Veronica laugh and Duncan shakes his head with a smile. He can't believe at how all of this ended out but he's so unbelievably happy for his two best friends that it's kind of surreal. They spend the rest of the night acting like teenagers as they splash around in the water, playing Never Have I Ever and Veronica convincing them to go skinny dipping (though she does strip down to her underwear). She's happier than ever in this moment, spending the night with the only two men she's ever loved and her heart aches for the best friend who died too soon painfully.

"Don't forget about me," the wind whispers.


End file.
